Early warning signs of abuse – checklist. Important for men and women. Abuse can happen to anyone.

• • Read carefully, check and monitor if some of these signs are present or getting more frequent.
  • Your partner makes you feel uncomfortable by:*
  • Telling you what to do or not do, where to go or not go
  • Telling you who to be friends with
  • Telling you what clothes to wear and how to wear your hair and make-up
  • Telling you how to act
  • Telling you who to talk to or not talk to
  • Wanting you to tell them where you’ve been
  • Phoning you to make sure you are where you said you would be
  • Phoning you a lot each day
  • Telling you what time to come home
  • Not telling you when he is coming over
  • Making all the big decisions
  • Following you around
  • Making you do something you don’t want to do
  • None of the above
• Your partner does not give you time alone by:*
  • Going through your things
  • Listening to your phone calls
  • Opening your mail and email
  • Reading your diary
  • wanting to know what you say to others word for word
  • Not leaving you along – following you everywhere
  • Asking friends and family about what you do
  • None of the above
• Your partner hurts your friendships with others by:*
  • Telling you lies about what your friends have said about you
  • Not wanting you to go out with your friends without him/her
  • Being mean to your friends so that they will stop visiting you
  • Starting a fight with you right before you leave to go out with a friend
  • Putting down your friends
  • Telling you not to see your counsellor or social worker
  • Not wanting you to meet his/her friends
  • Wanting you to choose between them and your friends
  • Not giving you messages
  • None of the above
• Your partner wants you to need him/her by:*
  • Taking control of the money
  • Not wanting you to work
  • Not wanting you to have your own bank account
  • Telling you that you are stupid and can’t make it on your own
  • Telling you “no one else will love you”
  • Telling you to quit school
  • None of the above

Does your partner show other warning signs? Common with narcissistic abuser*

• You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.
• You’re just insecure and jealous.
• You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.
• It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor
• You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?
• You’re the problem here, not me.
• I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.