Sociopathic Sadistic Behaviour
Based on your answers most likely you are experiencing sociopathic sadistic behavior from your partner ( or have been if you are doing a test for your past experience ). This is only based on your answers and might not be 100% true. More analysis needs to be done, but with the answers, you provided it is most likely it will fit into this category.
1. Please be safe. This test is to help you recognize behavior and themes in your relationship from where you can start looking for safe options and choices to start your recovery and healing journey while you keep your safety as a priority number one.
2. Educate your self what is mental-emotional abuse ( narcissistic and sadistic abuse) either by talking to lawyers, support systems in your area, listening to many great podcasts on the theme of emotional abuse, YouTube videos, or reading books. There is a ton of content out there on the theme of mental abuse. Education is the first step to gaining a sense of control and start considering options for yourself.
3. Make sure not to escalate tension in the relationship and jeopardize your safety but to look for support in therapy, reliable friends, peer groups, and or if necessary calling 911 or looking for a safe home and safe exit. Write down and keep a record of all instances when you didn’t feel safe and share with reliable people. Also you can make a safety plan using app My Plan: https://www.myplanapp.org/
4. The most common question I get: Do they change?
No, they don’t change. Therapy is simply not working with a Sociopathic Sadistic personality because of the Entitlement /Grandiosity persona and the need to be in an authoritarian position of control and intimidation while inflicting physical or emotional pain. They might show up in therapy as highly empathetic, charming, and collaborative but a good therapist will pick up on different cues and traits and a partner shouldn’t be deceived by that. The moment you are back to only two of your behavior starts again or escalates even more.
5. What is the difference between Sadistic abuse vs. Narcissistic Abuse:
* In Sadistic Abuse, we can see the abuser as very cold and calculating. Sometimes they will leave a partner in waiting and they will tell what is coming up as consequence.
* There is contempt in the eyes and arousal when the victim is in discomfort and in pain or fear of them.
* Anger is not so common or rage in sociopath, it is more present aroused controlling power over victim and intimidation.
*You might feel very seen by the abuser and you stop sharing your plans, feelings, what you want or desire – deceptions develop as a safety device.
* Abuser is using your sharing to hurt you. Any expression of caring or interest in anything might be used to take away or attack to hurt you.
* They will project their sickness as yours. You might feel like you are sick, bad, wrong, faulty, or develop a strong negative self-image. True is they are all of this, not you.
* They threaten you if you break a silence they will harm you or people you care about or share what is happening. You keep silenced mostly because of fear, not shame.
* In narcissistic abuse we see more anger and rage and less control and intimidation.
* Narcissistic is not cold and calculating but more prone to outburst and acting out, or having adult tantrums, or rage.
* You do not feel seen at all. The narcissist is not taking any time to see your needs, wishes, desires but projects his needs and desires on you. In sociopathic abuse, you feel very “seen” even when your partner is not with you.
* Based on that they are distorting your reality. They might say: no you don’t feel that, no you don’t want that, you don’t think that”. They can not comprehend you are a separate individual with your thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
* Narcissist is turned off by pain, arousal is decreased if they see suffering or acknowledge the pain, sociopath sadist is turned on and aroused. Not even in a sexual way but in bigness and over empowerment.
6. Signs and Symptoms you might feel as being with someone who was emotionally abusing you with sadistic tendency:
You feel painfully exposed and highly visible because your partner knows you completely and uses this knowledge to hurt you.
When you are required to wait or uncertainty gives you more and more anxiety, even waiting for a friend or in a grocery line for example can cause anxiety.
You start to hide your real experience from them and later from others too because you are afraid to be “seen” – your wants, needs, wishes, feelings because they might take this away from you or hurt you.
Trusting someone, even you believe they are safe, feels extremely risky. Even in therapy, you might believe self-exposure will lead to painful attacks.
You experience dissociation as a survival mechanism, numbing out, alcohol, food overuse or you are in the hyper-vigilant alert state most of your day.
You walk on eggshells.
You can’t recognize yourself anymore and wonder what happened, and you wonder how you lost your sense of self.
You are afraid now to talk in front of others when an abuser is close to you. You feel you will be humiliated and ashamed, not in front of people as much when you get to be alone.
You start to hide your plans, emotions. Deception is more present in this relationship because of fear of retaliation or shaming.
You put aside your basic needs and desires, sacrificing your emotional and even your physical safety to please the abuser ( partner, sibling, parent, co-worker, boss, friend ).
You are struggling with health issues and somatic symptoms that represent your psychological turmoil because the body takes the score ( insomnia, anxiety, fear, asthma, migraine, fibromyalgia, IBS ).
You develop a pervasive sense of mistrust. Trusting someone is very risky.
You self-isolate and keep silent because of fear abuser can harm you and people you care about.
You self-sabotage and self-destruct, or you somehow start to think you “deserve” this.
You fear doing what you love and achieving success because of fear of retaliation of some sort or always waiting for “permission”.
You are hearing the more and more blaming voice or mean comments of your abuser in your head.
7. Next Suggested Steps:
* Please don’t be alone. Silence brings a lot of pain and shame. Share what is happening to you with someone you trust, look for online support groups, talk with your friend, or family member, lawyers or HR if it is happening at work. You do not need to face this alone. Also, call the police or lawyers and see how you can safely plan an exit if you feel your safety is jeopardized. Do not expose anything to your partner. Your safety is a priority. Exposing anything to a partner can lead to provoked behavior where you will not be safe.
*Take care of your body. Your nervous system is in a survival state, so take as much nourishment and healthy choices as you can. Even taking a conscious walk outside, your body can benefit from it.
* Start with therapy with someone who specialized in mental abuse and with someone you feel safe with. You have the right to pick and choose who is right for you in therapy and your recovery journey.
To jump on the list of best resources to start your healing and self education click on the link.
* There is a way out of this. Stay safe and allow yourself to start a healing journey and gain your dignity back. You deserve this plus much more. And keep in mind not to escalate or provoke your partner and keep yourself safe. The more supportive system you have around yourself, including family, friends, peer support groups, etc, the more protected you are from the next harm. Do not be alone.
8. Remember this:
- A) Violation of human rights. It is against the law to hurt and harm someone. Including emotional, verbal abuse, intimidation, and neglect. It is against the law, and someone did violate your human rights.
- B) If the mind of the person who hurt you hadn’t existed, you wouldn’t be hurt and harmed in this way. It is NOT about you. You are NOT a crazy one, or less then.
- C) Traumatized minds make traumatized choices and traumatized patterns. You can not beat yourself up for repeated survival choices ( labeled as “bad). Shame can prevent our recovery and what happened to you is not because of you. The shame belongs to the person who harmed you – not you.
9. If you know someone who might be experiencing narcissistic abuse please share taking this quiz and support bringing more awareness so the recovery journey can start sooner than later.
Thank you, be kind to yourself, don’t be alone, and stay safe!